Tonight – July 30, 2015 and tomorrow July 31, 2015 is considered a
very happy day. “There were no better (happier) days for the Jewish
people, than Yom Kippur (the day of atonement) and the 15th of Av.” WOW.
Our sages equate the holiest day of the year, with tonight and
tomorrow!
One of the ways this happiness was celebrated was by, “the unmarried girls of Jerusalem dressed in white garments, which they borrowed, (In order not to shame those who could not afford new clothes) would go out to dance in the vineyards, calling out, "Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty but set your eyes on [good] family." As it says, "Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."
A day of matchmaking. A huge source of happiness for everyone. One way to be VERY happy.
A human being was given a brain that sits at the top of his/her body for a reason. Our approach to life decisions should always begin with our mind. Does it make sense? Is this the right thing for ME? Is this a wise decision based on my values and goals?
Which means we must first figure out, what our own values are, and what we are looking for, before, heading out on the exploration path. If a person doesn’t have clearly defined goals, how can he/she ever reach anywhere specific? Leaving it up to chance, or to “I will know when I get there, and/or I will feel it in my gut” is a lazy approach, one that is afraid of putting in the work, and afraid of failure, and perhaps rejection. Not a very good batting record for reaching with success.
There is another great big problem, when not approaching decisions with a cool and detached approach of rationale thinking. Once a person allows themselves to get emotionally involved, void or very little of critical thinking, it is practically impossible to be objective any longer, and many times this becomes a recipe for huge disappointments later on. Healthy emotions, and true love are developed, ONLY, by following the proper and correct decisions of the mind.
A list of wants and needs must be made as a first step, and a percentage out of 100 linked to each need and/or want. Since no one is perfect themselves, they don’t deserve and probably wouldn’t fit well with perfection as their mate. Once a healthy majority is reached out of 100%, intellectually, things are looking on the pretty nice side.
Now, since a marriage must include also, the element and ingredient of love and attraction, an emotion, here is a wonderful piece of advice from Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, the Lubavitcher Rebbe.
A young lady told the Rebbe, she is meeting this young man, however, she doesn't know whether she's attracted to him.
The Rebbe said. When one develops a feeling for someone, one has a desire for them, an “attraction of the heart”.
The Rebbe told her. "Take an intermission of 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks, don't see each other, do not speak to each other, do not have any connection with him and after the 2 weeks, come back to me."
After 2 weeks the Rebbe asked her. “Did you feel during these 2 weeks, that you were missing anything? Did you have a desire to speak to him; did you have a desire to see him?"
When she told the Rebbe, no, to all these questions, the Rebbe said, "That's an indication, he's not for you.”
Another person once said the following personal story. “I asked the Rebbe, whether I should end the date I was meeting?
The Rebbe told me. "I can't help you, not your father can help you, not your mother and not even yourself, not even your mind. The only thing that can help you," the Rebbe pointed with his finger to his heart, "the heart. If you have a feeling for her, if you feel that not having her, you feel something is missing, a siman das iz das. (Then, this is the one) If you don't have that feeling, it's not for you."
No one can figure life out. We can only try our best, and no amount of time can ever figure it ALL out. After we have put in our sincere best efforts, we must take the jump, and say “I do” in faith, that in His hands, fulfilling His command, to get married, and standing under the encompassing aura of the Chupah, G-d blesses the union that it will last as, “an eternal edifice.”
One of the ways this happiness was celebrated was by, “the unmarried girls of Jerusalem dressed in white garments, which they borrowed, (In order not to shame those who could not afford new clothes) would go out to dance in the vineyards, calling out, "Young man, lift up your eyes and see what you choose for yourself. Do not set your eyes on beauty but set your eyes on [good] family." As it says, "Grace is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised."
A day of matchmaking. A huge source of happiness for everyone. One way to be VERY happy.
A human being was given a brain that sits at the top of his/her body for a reason. Our approach to life decisions should always begin with our mind. Does it make sense? Is this the right thing for ME? Is this a wise decision based on my values and goals?
Which means we must first figure out, what our own values are, and what we are looking for, before, heading out on the exploration path. If a person doesn’t have clearly defined goals, how can he/she ever reach anywhere specific? Leaving it up to chance, or to “I will know when I get there, and/or I will feel it in my gut” is a lazy approach, one that is afraid of putting in the work, and afraid of failure, and perhaps rejection. Not a very good batting record for reaching with success.
There is another great big problem, when not approaching decisions with a cool and detached approach of rationale thinking. Once a person allows themselves to get emotionally involved, void or very little of critical thinking, it is practically impossible to be objective any longer, and many times this becomes a recipe for huge disappointments later on. Healthy emotions, and true love are developed, ONLY, by following the proper and correct decisions of the mind.
A list of wants and needs must be made as a first step, and a percentage out of 100 linked to each need and/or want. Since no one is perfect themselves, they don’t deserve and probably wouldn’t fit well with perfection as their mate. Once a healthy majority is reached out of 100%, intellectually, things are looking on the pretty nice side.
Now, since a marriage must include also, the element and ingredient of love and attraction, an emotion, here is a wonderful piece of advice from Rabbi Menachem M. Schneerson, the Lubavitcher Rebbe.
A young lady told the Rebbe, she is meeting this young man, however, she doesn't know whether she's attracted to him.
The Rebbe said. When one develops a feeling for someone, one has a desire for them, an “attraction of the heart”.
The Rebbe told her. "Take an intermission of 2 weeks. During those 2 weeks, don't see each other, do not speak to each other, do not have any connection with him and after the 2 weeks, come back to me."
After 2 weeks the Rebbe asked her. “Did you feel during these 2 weeks, that you were missing anything? Did you have a desire to speak to him; did you have a desire to see him?"
When she told the Rebbe, no, to all these questions, the Rebbe said, "That's an indication, he's not for you.”
Another person once said the following personal story. “I asked the Rebbe, whether I should end the date I was meeting?
The Rebbe told me. "I can't help you, not your father can help you, not your mother and not even yourself, not even your mind. The only thing that can help you," the Rebbe pointed with his finger to his heart, "the heart. If you have a feeling for her, if you feel that not having her, you feel something is missing, a siman das iz das. (Then, this is the one) If you don't have that feeling, it's not for you."
No one can figure life out. We can only try our best, and no amount of time can ever figure it ALL out. After we have put in our sincere best efforts, we must take the jump, and say “I do” in faith, that in His hands, fulfilling His command, to get married, and standing under the encompassing aura of the Chupah, G-d blesses the union that it will last as, “an eternal edifice.”
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